This is going to be a downer post, so be forewarned.
Julia is doing well, but her recovery isn't going as smoothly as we would have hoped and it's really got us down. We are tired, emotional, sick of being in the hospital, and none of that is helping with our coping skills. We hoped and perhaps naively thought that she'd have her surgery, recover for 3-4 days, and be good as new. Unfortunately it's not happening like that. And the bumps in the road are most likely that, just bumps, but there's been so many that they're starting to feel more like pot holes.
First there was the staph scare, which necessitates a 6 week course of IV antibiotics. For a child who cannot STAND to have anything in her arm, that request feels like 6 months to us. Last night as she tossed and turned she pulled out her PICC line. It wasn't a mess and didn't seem to hurt her but it was extremely disheartening. Now she has to have another one put in, in a short procedure that requires sedation. Ugh. They can't do it until tomorrow, so that just adds more time to our stay.
Then there's the physical issues...and they are not minor. She has substantial weakness on her right side and while the strength is improving daily it's not anywhere close to where it was when we walked into the hospital. Her left side is also very uncoordinated. The PT department here looked at her today and said they would recommend to keep her in the inpatient rehab program for two weeks. Two weeks, you read that right. We are working with them to get her transfered to Cincinnati Children's since there is no reason for us to be so far from home for something like that, but it's disheartening to learn that we've got more time before things will go back to normal. And then there's a part of us that wonders, will they ever go back to normal?
She's also so frightened and sad. She lashes out when anyone tries to tend to her, even if it's me trying to change a pull up. She is sick of the hospital, sick of nurses and doctors. We realized today that she has thrush and that's most likely why she hasn't been eating or drinking. We've started some medication to clear it up but it's just one more hiccup, one more complication, however minor, keeping us from getting back to normal.
I have censored a lot of my fears and sadness over this process from the blog because I don't want people to worry but right now it's hard to do. None of the doctors are worried and say that her moodiness and irritability are age appropriate. I thought of this surgery as the answer to our prayers, I looked forward to the outcome and seeing her progress. And logically I still realize that we are in the healing stage and to give her time. More and more we are just sad...yes, the seizures are gone. I am grateful for that. But I also want my girl back.
(I can't be a total downer...she did sing "Wheels on the bus" with me just now.)